i would like to think that i am not...but it is slowly creeping up on me... and i am beginning to realize that yes, it might have caught up with me already and that i am truly, truly jaded...well, aside from the emptiness that i endlessly feel nowadays, that is.

i guess we come to a point in our lives when we feel that we've given everything we ever had and there's nothing left there.

and even a feeble attempt at redemption doesn't seem to work.

and it's sad this way...because we are young...because we have a very bright future ahead of us, and because we are basically good people, who play by the rules and who always try to be fair....

we are empowered women... women who worked hard to get to where we are now...

and it's just so sad that these things happen...

we grow up, with all these grand ideals, all these majestic imaginings, and suddenly we wake up to what?  the inside-twisting reality that, well, it is like that, only as far as imagination can take you....

it isn't like that in real life. not at all...

because in real life...you give  a lot, you love  a lot, and you lose a lot...and you don't really deserve that.

like what happened to me....i gave my heart, my whole heart, and my soul, for whatever it's worth, i gave my soul...

and i lost it just like that....and there doesn't seem to be any chance to get them all back...my heart, and my soul, at least not in the near future...

and i just feel so empty...

although i am happy in all other aspects of my life...

but  this void...this gaping, endless, fathomless void....it just refuses to not be noticed

i really don't want anything anymore...from life that is...

BUT...the very big BUT.....

but i need my heart back, and my soul...no matter how torn apart they might be, or broken or shattered or tattered... i need my heart and my soul back.